Society teaches us that this type of behaviour is not normal, and that if you're spending your birthday alone without the razz and pizazz of a big party and lots of friends or family around, there is something chronically wrong with you. I beg to differ. And yet...
(Forgive my indulgence for this next bit).
The last year or so, I've realised that the person I fell in love with is more important to me than anything else - even my own company - and I look for every excuse to spend time with her, even if it's doing something I detest (shopping in crowded towns).
My wife is infinitely patient, caring, and loving. No man could ever wish for more. She wasn't there on my birthday as she was working (I took the day off - and she did actually offer to do the same but I had a plan in mind, and wanted time to myself). But while I was tromping the plains of Wiltshire I realised that I wanted her there more than anything else.
The walk was long, and it was silent. There were many things that I saw that I could have shared with her, and just spent an entire day talking over stuff. We do that a lot. Sometimes we argue but who doesn't?
I realised that for the last 5 years (and probably for a lot longer, but it's taken this fucking long for me to appreciate it) she's put up with so much on my behalf, also coping with her own health issues (epilepsy) and a metric ton of responsibility and excellent parenting of our daughter (I do my bit too but I'm nowhere near as amazing as my wife is at dealing with the day to days of a busy and stressed out teen going through exams or her first love).
I have always, and I do mean ALWAYS been happy in my own company. Sometimes when I'm with friends or even family, I have to 'fake it to make it' - and pretend that I'm a happy-go-lucky guy, maybe a bit elusive and enigmatic when I want to be, but generally the kind of person who can interact with other humans successfully.
But now I just can't be on my own. Because of her.
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