19 years ago, my wife said "I Do". We stood in a room packed with our friends and family, nervous, smiling, crying, going through all the emotion. It was an amazing day and I still remember every single facet of it and how it felt to find 'the one'.
Falling in love at first sight is such a cheesy old cliche. I would probably say the first time I saw my wife I fancied her rotten immediately, but it took a while for us to even get talking to each other let alone become friends.
Friendship did follow though. 10 years between us age-wise but we clicked. I was coming out of a horrible relationship and had been determined not to get entangled with anyone else. I was pretty sure that my wife wasn't actually interested, and was just being polite and friendly so I didn't push anything. But we went out a couple of times, once with one of her friends (the third wheel from hell!) and then once with just the two of us. At the end of that second 'date that wasn't a date' I remember looking across at her, she had the most serene look on her face and stupidly I fumbled what could've been our first kiss by making my excuses and leaving like a complete idiot!
Thankfully she persevered. I am useless at this romance stuff but the next time we went out, over a lunchtime - and where I made yet another nearly-fatal-for-our-relationship-mistake of patting her hand and saying "I can't believe I'm doing this" we did finally get our act together and kissed for the first time.
Four years later (yeah we weren't in a hurry) we got married. Four years after that our daughter was born. Throughout each and every one of those years between then and now, I've fallen in love with her over and over again.
I'm not an easy person to get on with yet she sticks with me. We look after each other, both of us making the best of the life we have. We've had some amazing times, we have some truly amazing memories. We spent out honeymoon crammed into a camper van driving around as much of New Zealand as possible and despite my wife's epilepsy (which has come back again and again to haunt her and make her life more difficult than any human being's life should be) we have a lot of treasured memories of that honeymoon.
The thing that keeps us together is that we know how to laugh with, at and along with each other. There's still a massive physical attraction (yeah mostly from my side, I'll admit, I still find her ridiculously sexy to the point where I'm sure I'm extremely irritating to be around when she sashays through a room naked).
I wanted to grow old with her, I guess we have as we've been together for 23 years but we don't feel old. We're still fit and active enough to enjoy long hikes but I still wanted so much more. I hate the thought that I might leave her behind, might not be around to look after her and my daughter. It makes me sad and angry, but life goes on and we're both determined to make the best of what time we have left.
I know I write this blog for therapy, I sometimes wonder if one day she will find it or my daughter will. I just hope they both know how much I loved them and how much I hope I did the best I could for both of them.
Happy anniversary baby, you made me happier than you could possibly know.
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