One of the things I really don't miss about children's book blogging is the amount of unsolicited requests for reviews that, even now, even though there's a massive and obvious "last post" on Ye Olde ReadItDaddy Blog, still come in and remind me of a conversation had on Twitter last week.
One of the things that most self-published or small-run-press authors have in common is the assumption that 'anything will do' when it comes to writing for kids. A twee parable, a moral tale, cliched characters and situations, a metric ton of really REALLY atrocious art. Wrap it all up in a book template, stick it out on your favourite self published platform or sell it to an unscrupulous small-run publisher for a fraction of a penny per copy sold and you're in business!
Well, that's an extreme example of how I imagine this stuff goes. The probable truth is that these folk want to be published SO BADLY that they're willing to forego the incredibly hard and flinty path to being taken on and actually published by a reputable children's book publisher, ignoring all the many, many complex rules that are wrapped around writing for children. In their hearts they mean well of course. They want to be storytellers, they want their books to be loved but that is definitely not something that's easy in any way, shape or form.
The first obstacle you have to overcome is dropping the assumption that what you (a grown adult) find appealing, or think is a good idea may be the exact polar opposite to what a child would consider palatable reading matter. Sure, you may have got the green light from your own kids (who probably just wanted to be kind to you - the same would go for any family member or friend I'd assume) but that's not the endorsement you want. You want the endorsement of complete strangers, you need to carry about with you an air of humility and accept that for every effort you put into writing what you consider to be the perfect children's book manuscript, you should expect a lot of savage (and to you probably quite seemingly unfair) critique before you hit paydirt.
Add to this the strange perception that writing for children is STILL almost universally seen as "easy" or a bit "twee" and it's easy to see why so many ordinary folk think they can get away with putting out some truly awful trash. Hell, even in the videogame "The Sims 4" the author career path starts out with the (supposedly) "easy" option of being a children's author, the bottom rung, the lowest paid, where you start out before you become a "proper" author. Grrrrrrr!
So you still think children's writing is an easy gig, way easier than writing for adults perhaps, let's consider a few things that your tiny brain might not have realised about becoming a children's author.
1) There are rules. There are a lot of rules. Oh my god there are so many fecking rules!
Yep it's true, the modern distillation of the children's book manuscript, whether you write picture books or chapter stuff comes with a colossal rule book. There are various ways and means to learn all those rules - in fact in this internet age there are so many published authors and well meaning folk out there on the internet who will guide you through some of those rules and best practices for free on their own websites and blogs. This is a very good place to start, but there's a more obvious place of course.
2) You absolutely cannot write for kids without doing your research.
Simply put, this probably should have been point 1 but I wanted to drum home the fact that most would-be kidlit authors ignore the rules first and a heck of a lot seemingly ignore this point too. Reading other children's books gives you an appreciation for how the 'magic formulas' work, what the expectations of an agent or a publisher will be, the sheer quality of production and illustration of a commercial published children's book, the flow and readability of a piece of work that has had serious polish applied to it, and of course a lot of examples of the sort of thing you can get away with when writing for kids - and a lot of things you really can't get away with.
I'm not saying you have to spend a small fortune on children's books (particularly if you're lucky enough to have a local library and don't mind coming across the odd book stuck together with jam or marmite). If you're not prepared to put in some bookwork, you're effectively setting out to a very choppy sea in a boat made of rice paper and believe me, it will be achingly obvious to any publisher or agent if you try and bluff your way through.
3) Kids are horrible, terrible, unkind and savage critics (which is why we love them and why writing for them is so satisfying!)
Kids (again have to point out here, perhaps not YOUR kids or kids you know / have bribed with copious amounts of Haribos) are cruel. They love being cruel. I speak from experience here, I live with two of the harshest critics on the planet (my wife and daughter) and I can tell you now that I can count the number of times I've had real genuine praise for a story idea or a piece of finished work on the fingers of one finger. It's not that they're being nasty when they completely trash a piece of my work, it's not because they're horrible people, it's because they're achingly truthful and that's exactly the reception you can expect from any kids you try your stuff out on (again pointed reference back to the 'bribery' bit mentioned before).
Children's authors and artists know this, which is why the successful ones all have something in common. They know (or they very swiftly learn) what makes kids tick, in fact they are probably lucky enough to still retain a lot of childlike characteristics themselves. A love of play for example, a love of scaring the bejesus out of people, a love of terrible jokes or grand adventures that many adults don't have and can't understand. Tap into that and you're tapping into a rich seam of gold that will serve you well as a children's author or illustrator, but also be aware that just when you think you're comfortable with what works, what kids like, and what could see you through your next middle grade trilogy, kids taste change like the wind and what is today's slime may be tomorrow's loom bands.
4) Children's Books involve a lot more work than you think behind the scenes.
Oh my yes. Did you think that writing for children was just a simple matter of trotting out a decent story (or drawing one), typing it / drawing it neatly, handing it over to a publisher and BAM, just waiting for the money to come rolling in?
Sorry buddy, it really doesn't happen like that - and even if your manuscript is taken on by an agent then a publisher, you have to be prepared for editing, manipulating, chopping and changing before your story can hit the big time. A lot of creatives are extremely 'precious' about their work and even from successful publisher authors I've heard tales of woe of their masterworks being 'butchered' (their words, not mine) by an editor in order to fit a particular publisher's style.
Then there's the huge amount of design work that goes into a children's book (chapter or picture, it matters not). This thing is a product, it has to appeal to its intended audience. Hell, it even has to appeal to a casual audience who might just pass by a copy on a stand in a book store, be drawn to it, and purchase it. The children's publishing industry exists to sell books, sell a product and sell a lot of it so you bet your bippy that the product will get polished to the nth degree before it hits the shelves, sometimes years after you sign your contract and hand over your manuscript (and most of your rights to your creative piece of work too!)
5) People still assume it's a route to easy riches. Largely because of Messrs Rowling and Walliams.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Excuse me I'm sorry but HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
6) The competition is fierce, the competition is colossal. The competition will eat you whole!
Well this is blatantly obvious really but a lot of folk still seem to have a weird misconception that children's publishing is a bit of a niche market, and there aren't really that many authors out there. This is borne largely from the way children's books are (mis)marketed. Sure, you may believe that there are just a handful of picture book or middle grade authors making a living so one more (you) won't matter, but consider how many folk out there are members of the Society for Children's Book Writers and Illustrators (SCBWI), and countless other organisations that have paid-up members all sliding into the 'queue' to get their works out there and published (and if you think paying the SCBWI fees annually sounds like a heck of a cost or too much of a time commitment, you'd better give up now because in general it's a hugely successful way of getting your work into print or garnering an agent or publisher's attention).
For every book you see hitting the shelves in your local bookstore, there are zillions more being published worldwide so you're not just competing with the folk on your humble little island, you're competing with folk all around the world. Millions and millions of children's authors out there whose work is amazing, brilliant and polished. So you'd better be damned good. The best you can be in fact, and perhaps realistic about the fact that even your best may just simply not be good enough.
7) Your illustrations are terrible. In fact your illustrations being terrible probably means your writing is also terrible and thus your whole book is, yep you've guessed it, terrible! Sorry!
This is the most common criticism I'd have to level against self-published or small-run published books. Skimping on a decent talented illustrator is the number one pit that children's authors fall into. Even folk whose written work I love to bits can be horribly let down by a cover image for their book that would make a cat puke (I'm thinking of one particular example of a wonderful woman's fantastic book that was released over the summer. It's beautifully written but the cover image looks like someone's first attempt at drawing on MS Paint and had I not already wanted to read the book because of the person, I would have avoided it like a dose of COVID purely because of that cover).
I know what you're also thinking. "I can draw a bit, I will do it myself!" is what I'd imagine goes through most people's minds judging by some of the things we have been offered for review. The equivalent of the header piece in this article, something that does indeed look like a kid drew it themselves DOES NOT EQUAL INSTANT APPEAL TO KIDS yet I see this time, and time, and time again.
Commercially viable illustration for kids falls under the same rules as writing for kids. It's extremely tough, your work has to be polished to the nth degree, it has to work in conjunction with the story (or in the case of wordless books, has to form the foundation, the flow and the appeal of the story entirely) and that is not easy work at all. Again consider the competition, consider the creme de la creme of children's illustration and those talented folk who have a house style that is instantly appealing, that they can knock out again and again.
Bonus footnote: Drawing like a kid is actually bloody hard too if you intentionally try to do it and some of the most talented artists I know can actually do it successfully and I'm hugely envious of their talent in doing so. There's one guy who does this in all his books (even ones he illustrates for other authors) and he's somehow managed to perfect the art of drawing something that looks both terrible and wonderful at the same time, and just WORKS with every single story it's applied to - so go figure).
8) Your core story idea sucks.
So you've got this story. It has a cute bear in it. The cute bear is going on an adventure. The cute bear can't go on an adventure for some reason or another. The cute bear calls on his cute duck friend to help him go on an adventure. They go on the adventure...TOGETHER!
YES! It's such a great idea. Call the agent, sign the cheques, buy the colossal mansion. At this point you need to insert a record-scratch sound effect.
Only, let's face it, that idea sucks so badly that even writing it for mockery and japes has made me sick up in my mouth a little bit so imagine the effect that story will have on a cynical 3-5 year old who has just finished watching a dozen or so episodes of Dragonball Z on PooTube.
YES there are stories out there that fit that exact cliched formula. Stories that make it into print, sell lots of copies, make their author / illustrator almost a household name. So why does YOUR version of the story suck so badly? You forgot the hook, you absolute unit!
Fitting a story to a core idea (such as friendship, for example. I think I've lost count of the number of children's books I've seen that have that as a core idea / theme) isn't where you're going wrong. Where you're going wrong is by not bringing anything new to the table. Subtly introducing interesting and original elements will help your story really pop. (Oh and knowing Jacinda, from the editorial team at (insert massive publisher here) also helps a great deal, as does being seriously photogenic (nice hair today by the way, must've cost a fortune!)
9) Time is always against you. the clock is always ticking, and the meagre amount of effort you're willing to put in will always let you down.
Writing for children, even writing picture books for children - is hugely time consuming and as you've seen from the above points, involves a colossal amount of effort. So you work full time, you're out every working week day from early in the morning to the evening. When you get home, once you've cooked a meal, sorted the kids out, kicked your lazy hubby's bum for sitting in front of the telly when there's countless chores to be done, tripped over the cat, fallen over the dog, cleaned up that terrible stinky mess in the hallway and perhaps tuned into Twitter or the telly for a couple of hours it's already 11PM and you're buggered if you're going to sit down in front of a word processor or graphics tablet to knock out a kidlit masterpiece.
If you work for a living, time is already against you (unless you somehow manage to sneakily write your masterpiece on work time, which - funnily enough - quite a few successful kidlit authors have owned up to) but even if you're a stay at home dad / mum, you'll still find that grabbing the time required to write / draw effectively is hard, hard, hard work.
Just for a laugh, say we weren't living in an opressive consumerist society where everyone's expected to enter the workforce as a productive human being, and we were all paid a universal wage which allowed us to pursue our creative efforts (I know, I'm writing pure comedy here). Can you imagine how many more amazing children's books might come out of that as a result? How many amazing creative works in general if folk were somehow allowed to do this? Well they're not, so you're stuck with a lot of folk who either have extremely understanding partners to support them in their creative efforts, or have oodles and oodles of cash stashed away to live on while they pursue their creative dream. Again we're back to the competition mentioned above. They are your competition. Not only do they have acres of time to devote to their creative efforts, they'll have acres of time if they make it into print to do all the promotional stuff, the book fairs, the festivals and the school visits and public appearances while you're still slogging away at the day job.
10) Is it even worth it, after all of the cynical stuff you've said above?
The answer is "Yes of course it's bloody worth it you numbskull!" Again that's why achieving something that has such colossal odds stacked against you from the outset is immensely satisfying on a personal level (just imagine for one second what it must feel like to be a first-time author cracking open a box of advance copies of a book WITH YOUR FECKING NAME ON THEM), but so is the thought that - humble as you are - your work will affect another human being. Better still, a human being who is still being shaped like soft clay by the world.
Something you write or draw will stick in their mind and if you're really lucky, it may stay with them for life. It'll be something they talk about with their friends, their family or their teachers. It could be something that they cuddle up with at night, something they demand to read (or have read to them) daily. Something that makes their heart soar when it becomes a movie or a TV show. Something that, perhaps, even convinces them to ignore all the previous 9 points above in order to pursue their own publishing dream.
Yeah it's worth it but it's so hard, so very very hard so if you ever read any stinkpieces by well-meaning academics who try to convince you that writing for children is somehow 'second class', you have my permission to call them every name under the sun and if you ever do make it, and friends and family come out with something like "Oh you write children's books? How cute!" you also have my permission to bop 'em on the nose.
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